Okay boys! It’s time to draw them guns and have ourselves a gunfight so it is.

But Mr. Earp?

Yes Doc?

Aren’t we gonna wait for Michael to arrive. It ain’t a real gunfight in the west without Michael.

Sorry to disappoint you Doc, but Michael Jackson is dead.

What? No! No, not Wacko. He was bad.

And Dangerous, I know.

What happened to him Wyatt?

Took a shot and now he done died.

Shiiiit. After hearing that I don’t really feel in the mood for a gunfight.

Neither do I quite frankly.

In that case, let’s beat it.

Big Old Titties.

Nancy, I’m looking at these wardrobe assembly instructions and … well … this wardrobe is going to be tiny!

Let me see … Oh God, you’re right! It’ll be ok, though. It’s not as if we need a large wardrobe. It would be perfect for midget clothes … in fact, I think you could safely fit a whole midget inside of there!

I don’t think you could. Midget bums stick out.

Happy birthday, dear.

Oh thank you, this gift is really thoughtful! It must have cost you a fortune!

That’s ok, dear. You can repay me later with a long, throaty blow job.

So you see, by this marketing strategy I’ve devised right here…

*ZZ Top.*

What?

Nothing. As I was saying, this strategy will…

*AC/DC*

Excuse me?

Hmm?

Did you say something?

Who me? No.

Oh, okay. Well, I’ve devised this marketing…

*Metallica*

What?

What? What?

You whispered something.

No I didn’t.

Well someone did.

Not me. I’m really interested in what you’re saying. Please continue.

Of course. Well, if we bring our departments together to…

*Whitesnake*

I heard that!

Excuse me?

Nothing. Anyway, as I was saying…

*Aerosmith*

STOP THAT!!!

What?

You are whispering things on purpose to put me off.

What are you talking about?

You’ve been whispering the names of famous rock bands.

Okay, you got me.

But why?

Because Jenny, I wanna rock with you.

*Bon Jovi*

Hey ma’am, it looks like you could use some help.

Oh, thank you. You’re very kind.

Am I right to guess that you’re of South Korean descent? Your accent has a ‘Boryeong’ dialect to it.

Why yes, you’re absolutely right!

I thought so. Say, why don’t you go ahead and get the fuck off the green? Golf is not a sport for women or Asians, let alone Asian females! Here, I’ll just take that club away from you…

Holy shit! I leave this class for two minutes and come back to find you fucking kids are knuckling down into your algebra?! I’m glad I can trust in Eric to keep his shit together whenever I’ve got my back turned, or whenever I have to leave the classroom. How the hell are you kids going to maintain a sufficient sense of individuality and self esteem if you have your head buried inside a textbook all day? Your collective spirits being slowly shattered in preparation for an existence of serving your corporate masters. You know what? I’ve had about enough of this bullshit. Everybody except for Eric is getting a detention.

Ew! Jesus fucking Christ! Hey, you better stop doing that with your goddamn eye. You have no idea how bad that looks from here. All pink mucus and veins. So help me God, I’ll send you to a state school if you keep this shit up.

How is it?

Well the Coke tastes about the same … but I look a solid 35% more awesome drinking it.

Interesting … I could probably make that a good 38% with further adjustments.

Hey guys. If you want this thing built today, you’ll have to bring more than one cow at a time…